NDSEG
April 5, 2013Humbly presented for your consideration: Exhibit A, an NDSEG essay that did not get accepted; Exhibit B, an NDSEG essay that did get accepted. It’s pretty cool what making a statement more focused can do. (See also Philip Guo’s page on the topic.)
It’s not about focus. The 1st essay was entirely focused. Because it sets out to do the opposite of the buried nugget in that massive pgbovine link: “Don’t just make it all me, me, me.”
Briefly the proposal reads: “I did this and I did that. I worked on this and I worked on this. I enjoyed this and I enjoyed that.” The reader ends up screaming, “You unmitigated ass!” [1] The writer’s laser-focused on asking for money to fuel some ongoing solipsistic head trip, money equally well-spent feeding a junkie’s habit.
[1] http://clear-writing-with-mr-clarity.blogspot.com/2010/08/dale-carnegie-explains-how-empathy.html